Hell, who am I kidding, I had pre- and day-of-birthday funk. I know I experience a similar version (aversion?) each year but this time it doesn't feel solely like an age thing, much more abstract than that. Perhaps the NW style storms and weather have gotten to me. I know they are a contributing factor to this malaise. Plus, only 3 of my friends remembered, a feeling that runs in tandem with the fact that I don't want anyone to make a big deal of it. Also I have a heavy feeling of loss. I have enough years behind me now to speculate what it may have been like had I taken a different path. And what to do with the forked path that is bound to be up the road? There is also the expectation to feel festive, or at least project festivity. I can do authentic joy, but festive is tough. I can whip up a mean batch of angst at a moment's notice, however.
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